Identifying Who Your True Friends Are Could Be the Secret To Understanding Your Financial Woes
By Anthony Rhodes
Are you a Caretaker? This is a financial
profile classification, which identifies an individual who allows the actions
of others to consistently place them in poor monetary situations. A Caretaker
would, for example, take money, which they have allocated to pay for their own
household needs, and instead, give those monies to a friend to help them
to pay for theirs. Now, before you begin to think that this is yet another
Conservative assault on altruism, please allow me to clarify. The deficiency of
a Caretaker is not their desire to aid those around them who are in need, but
is in fact, their inability to distinguish a toxic relationship from a healthy
one. This shortcoming unfortunately permits them to be disproportionately taken
advantage of by those who would seek to do so, while at the same time, placing
them in a state of financial turmoil.
Sound familiar? Perhaps it should. That’s because
Caretakers are a lot more common than many of us know, and most of us would
even care to think about. In fact, a large percentage of you reading this post
today are either aware of someone who fits this description, or fall under this
category yourselves. This week, we’ll attempt to offer some solutions to help
identify whether your finances are struggling as a result of this condition, and
will also seek to unravel whether your “friends” are those of the healthy
variety, or are of the toxic kind.
A Friend in Need
We all have someone in our lives who often seems to
show up when he or she is need of a financial fix. Perhaps this individual is a
lifelong friend; whose festive manners or childlike whimsy usually offsets the
annoyance experienced whenever they come calling for cash. Or maybe a fellow
co-worker, who constantly reminds you of the time they helped you out of a
financial bind, whenever they’re in need of monetary assistance. Even an
ex-boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife may show up during a financial
shortfall. Truth be told, we all, at some point in our lives, need someone to
lean on every now and then when our money is a little tight. But does this
activity alone qualify a relationship as financially toxic? Let’s think about
this briefly. First of all, what clearly constitutes a financially toxic
relationship is the absence of reciprocity. This simply means that you find yourself
doing more, and more often for an individual than he or she does
for you. There’s nothing wrong with aiding a friend in need during a
period of financial crisis, but what would make such a transaction toxic would
be if the same individual rarely offers their assistance when your money is in
short supply, and if he or she seems to have a financial “crisis” a little more
often than normal.
Like Crabs In A Barrel
A financially toxic relationship can manifest
itself in other ways, as well. If you find yourself attempting to gain a
greater footing in life by saving or investing, and individuals who are
non-supportive or critical of your efforts surround you, this relationship is
toxic also. Such persons may not negatively impact your finances traditionally
by borrowing money and never attempting to pay it back, but their emotional
effect on your financial success is nonetheless just as poisonous. When dealing
with this situation, it’s important for you to remember both that misery loves
company, and that some people who have accepted their lower financial status in
life are accustomed to mediocrity. Their desire for comfort creates an
environment in which complacency is the rule of the day, and your attempts to
escape from this setting triggers a “crabs in a barrel” response from all those
who support this flawed mentality. My advice for dealing with such individuals
is simple, short and direct: Move on! Don’t allow their contagious ideas to
infect your visions of success. It matters not if these people are family
members, life-long buddies or spouses, their attempts to keep you grounded to
their level will eventually become successful unless you put forth a serious
and steadfast effort to distance yourself from their toxic influences.
Caretaker or not, I hope this post prompts you to
re-evaluate your financial relationships, and to make appropriate changes where
necessary. You must come to the final and profound conclusion that the
individuals, circumstances and conditions in which you surround yourself with,
can have a dramatic and longstanding effect on your personal finances, living
conditions and monetary habits. Let’s not underscore the importance of this
fact. And if your road to success requires you to take it alone, that’s ok
also. At least you’ll know when you get there, that you didn’t have to pack any
excess baggage along the way.
(Anthony Rhodes is a Registered Investment Advisor
and owner of wealth management firm The Planning Perspective www.theplanningperspective.com)
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